Amidst our card game and half drunken cups of sugary coffee an unexpected visitor fell on it’s back and stirred no more. This was a big one, the length and width of my thumb, with twitchy legs that seemed to stick out at all angles. “Huh, look at that” noted our friend Travis nonchalantly “here Em, split the deck”.
Unconvinced the cockroach had kicked the bucket, Ben got up and tentatively gave it a little nudge with his foot. The cockroach sprung to life, as if it had anticipated Ben’s big toe and buzzed loudly a few feet off the ground. There may or may not have been a few surprised shouts from our group. We were saved by Ben’s host dad, the fearless Pak Gianni. Pak delicately caught the roach in his hand and held it between his thumb and forefinger. Smiling he carried it with him back into the other room. “Why didn’t he let it outside?” “Why didn’t he squash it?” “Wait, why is he taking it with him?”
The next morning there was another bug incident. My good friend Nahal lives with my host grandparents, so that makes her my surrogate aunt and real life favorite family member. It’s nice to have another gringa present at all the family gatherings we attend. Halfway through our morning bowls of rice and tempeh Nahal relayed that Kakek (our toothless gramps) had caught a cicada that morning and tied a string around it’s head. “He was like, just carrying it around and then put it beside him on the table…is the cicada our new family pet?” This is a very legitimate question. And no, we still don’t have the answer.
These bug scenarios essentially sum up my past two months in Indonesia. I feel like I have a fair grasp on this new culture, new environment and new life, until people start carrying around roaches and leashing cicadas. Every day here is like a happy surprise and a slap in the face all rolled into one. To move through it, one has to employ all the senses, taking in new tastes, smells, words, and bug encounters as they come. It’s exhilarating, and it is exhausting. These last two months I have been happy, if not necessarily comfortable.
I live in an Indonesian fishbowl, where I’m both the exotic fish being stared at and I’m the one doing the staring at the same time. I think the real take away this month has been that it is a good idea to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I’m going to find roaches in my clothes, I’m going to swallow a fly in language class (true story), I’m not going to understand what is being said fifty percent of the time, and I’m going to be in a state of perpetual confusion. Once I accept that everything is going to make me feel vulnerable (and very very sweaty) I can internalize it and move on to the real business of figuring out how to make a life here. It’s a lesson I have to relearn all the time.
My amazing sister tucked a letter into my backpack before I arrived in Indonesia and in it she wrote the following quote:
“There is a season for wildness and a season for being settled, but this is a season for becoming”
When things get tricky over here in my neck of the vegetable paddies, I remember these words and take a deep breath. I’m not at rest here, but by digging in and sticking out the discomfort I can feel myself expanding with new perspectives. I’m not comfortable, but I’m transforming, and right now that is everything I could have hoped for from these past months. Bring on the bugs.
On an unrelated note, I want to thank my super cool Dad for sending me a xeroxed copy of his face with the word “hi” written on his forehead, Mom for shipping me the hiking boots I forgot (sorry and thanks) my wonderful Aunt Donna and Aunt Cynthia for the great letters, Grandma for dropping me a line, and my favorite fluff Megan for your sweet words. I so appreciate getting snail mail here! Please keep them coming. It’s nice to put them around my room and show people here different English words and handwriting styles. I have written you all a letter and will be sending them out this week when the post office is actually open in between religious holidays…
Another shout out goes to you, Nicki my awesome cuz and favorite fellow pekoe tea drinker. Happy almost cumple! Thanks for always paving the way (four months ahead of me) to the next year of our lives. You the bestest 🙂
rootsandfernweh 